It's Days Like Today

It is days like today that are a little hard to take.

I went in for my monthly lab testing today and unfortunately discovered that my FSH levels are rapidly increasing and nothing I have done over the last month has made a bit of difference.

Here is a quick recap of my levels:

09/2008 - FSH = 16

02/2009 - FSH = 32

03/2009 - FSH = 47

Women of childbearing years usually have an FSH that is below 10 and at my current rate I will have the ovaries of a 80 year old woman before the summer hits. I knew my chances of getting pregnant were so slim, but there of course was a part of me that thought a miracle was possible. Now it is clear that there are no miracles in store for this family and it is once again a rather painful realization.

I know that things could be a lot worse, that so many have problems in this life that are so much worse than this, but in this moment all I can see is a big ol' 47 and the realization that the end of my youth was gone long ago.

LDS Adoption 101

Let the process begin!

This week Mr. B called the LDS adoption office that handles couples in Pennsylvania, he spoke to one of the adoption agents and ordered up the initial paperwork. It arrived today and for the most part looks pretty non-scary.

The packet contained the following four items:

1) Your standard cover letter

2) A four page Adoption Description of Services, which is basically a summary on guidelines, requirements and what to expect (when your not expecting)

3) The official application, which is a quick one pager

4) And last but not least, a recommendation form for your bishop to fill out and return directly to the agency

Completing these items, plus a check for $1000 gets you in the door to officially begin the process.....sounds easy enough. I am afraid the real killer will be the waiting; waiting for the application to be processed, waiting for home visits and interviews, waiting to be approved, and then of course waiting for a birth mother to select us. I have never been very good a waiting so I imagine this will be a good chance to tone my skills.

Yoga in the Basement

On Saturday I started the fertility yoga DVD in the media room and today I talked Mr. B into joining me. The DVD is fantastic, very relaxing and just what I was looking for in fertility yoga. The moves are concentrated to aid in assisting your thyroid to operate as efficiently as possible as well as opening up your reproductive organs. Like many yoga programs, it also concentrates of breathing through your nose to really get oxygen flowing to all body parts. The entire DVD takes 60 minutes and really seemed to to the trick as I feel great. The plan is to do the DVD each day, except for Wednesdays when we go to our actual yoga class and on Sundays when I get a built in break.

Although the chances of me getting pregnant are slim to none, I still feel the need to continue with yoga and acupuncture as I really do believe it will allow me to keep my body in some type of cycle for as long as possible and maybe ward off the inevitable just a little bit longer.

Meat-Free, it's the way to be...?

Yesterday I had my weekly acupuncture appointment and now that I have been undergoing acupuncture for almost a month my acupuncturist believes it is time for me to begin moving my diet to a more chi friendly level. To begin the transition I am suppose to eliminate the intake of cold liquids, as well as red meat which is unfortunate for a woman who loves ice cold water and weekly fattie hamburgers. The things I do in the name of health.

After further investigation, it appears that drinking cold liquids is bad for your spleen and eating red meat is especially bad for a woman's reproductive health. Perhaps I should investigate beginning a class action suit against McDonald's for the decline in my reproductive organs......I will have to discuss that with Mr. B.

Hot Yoga - Seattle Style

While in Seattle for work I decided to take in a yoga class. As my company's office is in Lynnwood, I searched out a yoga class close to the office and I found the following studio:

http://www.hotyogamillcreek.com/

It was miserable to say the least, even knowing I had burned 1300 calories.

The room was kept at over 115 degrees, which is WAY too hot for me. The room usually fits 35 students, but they packed over 50 of us in which means that we were mat-to-mat with no space between students. The teacher began the class by saying that we were only allowed to drink from our water bottles 4 times during the 90 minute class and we had to wait for her to announce it. After 20 minutes everything I was wearing was soaked through with sweat and by the time we hit the 80 minute mark there were puddles of sweat surrounding every person in the room. When the class FINALLY ended, I had a massive headache, most likely caused by a little heat stroke and I walked out of that studio wishing I had never walked in.

What happened to the idea of yoga being relaxing and a time to reflect? I can tell you, the only reflection that was going on for me was why my muscles were burning and I was feeling dizzy. All I can say is that I am happy to be home and back to my usual Power Yoga and away from the water Nazi.

You Want Me To Do WHAT With My Pee?

I needed to travel to Seattle for work and the timing worked out perfectly for me to meet with Dr. Tammy, my naturopath.

My appointment was yesterday morning and after discussing all the most recent news we decided that we would leave the fertility treatment to Dr. Sandler and Dr. Tammy would concentrate on my overall health, both my short term and long term plans to stay as healthy as possible. Although I have been blogging mostly about my infertility, POF brings with it an increased risk for various cancers, diseases, and other major health concerns and so I am happy that I have a natural doctor that can tell me what to do to stay healthy.

One test that I am doing is the Comprehensive 24 Hour Urine Test through Meridian Valley Labs. This test allows Dr. Tammy to get a full work-up of all of my hormones as well as determining the way in which the rest of my body is aging. The test is one of the best ways to fully understand what your body is doing as a whole, however, undertaking the test is a major pain in the butt. What you have to do is collect all of your pee for 24 hours straight.....every single drop, and put it in this big orange jug. After the 24 hour period is up, you shake the jug to make sure all of your pee is fully mixed and then pour it into 6 different vials. From there you pack it up and ship it off to the labs for review.

I know, it sounds easy enough, however it becomes a little more difficult when you are running in and out of meetings and don't have a way to hide a HUGE orange jug, let alone refrigerate it along the way. With a bit of luck, and some rather odd Ashley behavior, I was able to make it work and I am finally at the tail end of the test, thank goodness!

The test costs roughly $320 and is of course not covered by my insurance, but will hopefully give us a full view of what my body is doing and from there Tammy will be able to pinpoint any areas that need a little assistance.

The Next Step......for Us

After much thought and prayer Mr. B and I have decided to move forward and begin the adoption process. We plan to work through LDS Family Services, as it seems more cost effective than many other adoption methods and we feel safer working with a church organization.

We plan to hold off on donor egg IVF for a few years, during this time my doctors will continue to monitor my hormone levels to ensure that we do not wait too long. But for now, we feel that adoption is the right choice for us.

The entire process will begin on Monday and I plan to record everything along the way.....so stay tuned!